Weekend trials

I had an incident this weekend that I have met with open arms, an open heart and all the love and forgiveness I can muster. Although, many wonder why I even bother.
There is a young boy and I have known him since he was an itch in his daddys pants. I met his mom while attending college and her and I became fast friends. Shortly after, she ended up pregnant. Two months later, so did I. We often dreamed of our daughters growing up together. (Turns out, we both had boys.)
I have been through the entire pregnancy, his birth and I saw him daily for the first year of his life. I was there as his mom slowly backed out of his life, came back to fight for custody, only to win and then abandon him to join the army.
Now, our boys are 7 and his father and I have a good rapport. I end up watching him every other weekend so that his father can work.
Due to the split and his mom running off, this young boy is an only child and definitely suffers from Only Child Syndrome. I watch as the kids have issue after issue over what game to play, whose turn it is etc. There is obviously a lack of cooperation in him. And i end up opening my doors to him more often, hoping the socialization will help develop as such.
Recently he has also been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Attention-Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder. These two illnesses make it very difficult to deal with him. Separately, they are a challenge. Together it makes babysitting a nightmare.
Now for the incident. I walked into this seven year old boy playing *doctor* with my four year old daughter. Her panties were off and she had been touched with a toy. I was visibly shaken, and told them they were not allowed to play together again. After four hours of them getting along,(right in front of me) and no more incidents, Boy asked if they could “go under her bed to tell secrets”. That should have been my clue. When i said absolutely not, they went off to play again and my ear stayed open. All of a sudden things got quiet. Upon inspection, Boy had taken Baby into her closet and she confided that he touched her again.
Now, most parents would ban this boy from their house. Maybe pummel the dad a bit. And dont get me wrong, i considered it. The former seriously, the latter only as an emotional response. But something inside me told me i need to forgive. He is a young boy with no female in his life. Its natural to be curious about female anatomy. Dad and I had an extensive talk about it and he did followup at home. He even asked me if we were still okay for the next day. He was very understanding.
I look at Boy now, and think about his rough childhood. Yes, he has his dad and both sets of grandparents. But one set has declined watching him on weekends as *they cant handle him anymore* Another only sporadically, and never for a full day. This sends a message to him, regardless of how the situation is handled. Dad is clearly stressed with trying to raise a *special needs* child and still work full time to pay the bills. I know what that is like. Fighting to keep your head above water, you forget to be patient, to speak with love, to communicate. And, this boy is raised as an atheist, so he doesnt even have an illusion of Gods unconditional love. What he needs is not to be condemned for a mistake he made. He needs forgiveness. He needs love. Unconditional love. (He also needs constant supervision when around my daughter) I will not turn my back on him.


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