For the past seven years, I have heard the same song and seen the same dance from the weasel commonly known as my ex- husband.
“I’m sorry” “I’ll make it up to you, him, her, them.” “Things aren’t working out and its all my fault.”
And then, even if he changes for a day, a week, six month, he resorts back to the same song and dance as before.
Before, I would get so angry! I would wish for the days when I could count on having the weekends off. I would hope for the time when I could have a kid – free evening. I felt robbed; cheated.
Then I would be mad that he made my children hurt, angry etc. I would want to hurt him for abandoning them. I worried about the well being of my chiildrens emotions. I wondered if they would lose out from the loss of their fathers love.
Now, as we gear up for school, I took my vacation only 45 min away from where my ex lives; where Kid spent the last year. I, of course, decide that while Boyfriend does his thing, visiting his friends, I will allow Kid to do the same. We made the trip so he could go say goodbye to his schoolfriends that he spent the past year getting to know.
The Weasel found out we were in town (Kid called him to ask for his friends phone number) and asked how long I would be in town for. He voiced how “badly” he wanted to see the kids. (Not bad enough to even reply when I offered him the entire weekend, however.) He, again, told me that he is sorry that things don’t work out. My only reply was: “its not us that is missing out.”
And as I sat and watched the Angels run and play at the park I realized how true that is. Too many parents think that their children are lucky to have been borne unto them. I have been guilty of that mindframe myself. My ex shows the same thought when he only appears when its convenient for him.
That isn’t the case. We, as parents, mom, dads, stepdads, stepmoms, aunts, uncles and grandparents, are lucky that we have been blessed to have Angels delivered unto US! Children can teach a person so much. To find satisfaction and happiness in something as simple as a sandbox. To find joy from rolling down a hill. To always be curious about the world and to never stop learning. To Love unconditionally. Children don’t see colour of skin, or age, or race, or gender; therefore they don’t set limits within these parameters. (Okay, they see gender. But not the rest!) A person is a person, regardless of where they were born or who they were born to. Everyone, and everything is worthy of being loved.
It has taken me seven years to learn this, and I know that I will continue to relearn it as time progresses, but as I sit watching the happiness emanate from my children as they play at the park, I realize that anyone who willingly misses out watching them grow and learn and love are the poorest person in the world.
Me? I hold the earths greatest treasure tight in my arms each night as I hug Kid and Baby goodnight.