Fiance and I have been together for about a year. Officially, we decided to label it as “relationship” in May, but we had been relationship-like for a while beforehand.
One thing that I love about our relationship is that we don’t fight. We have had arguments, disagreements but we can sit and talk about them. You know, like mature adults should. Sometimes for the fun of it, we will partake in, to untrained eye, will appear a fight. Voices can be raised, points and counterpoints are given. Those are generally debates on religion. I know that I will never change his mind, and vice versa and we both accept that, but to keep some spice in our life, we will partake in a heartily debate. Sometimes my poor Kid will interject with “don’t break up” (Loserface has really done a number on him; Kid, in a year, watched his father break up with his girlfriend at least three times)
But for the first time in a year Fiance and I have had our first fight. It did not feel good. And with many fights, it was about something stupid.
A bit of background? I just finished up my second semester of school and I have a whole two weeks off of. With him working nights, and my children, I soak up EVERY single moment I have with him, and so I was excited to spend some
stress-free Low-stress time with him.
Well, his birthday is tomorrow (and I have many surprises waiting for him) and being the romantic that I am, I would have liked to spend that day with him, even if he sees birthdays as no big deal. However, and I have known this for a while, he is going out of town for the weekend. His favourite musical artisit is playing in a city 2.5 hours away. I can’t ask him to give that up.
ALSO, his best friend,E (and my exboyfriend) is apparently eloping. That is a rant in and of itself. He decided to the day after I confided that we were planning on doing it. Suspiciously convenient in my mind.
So, here I am, coming down from an emotional high after writing my last final exam; starting to clean a very messy house (and my moods are closely linked to the condition of my house) and angry and resentful at his best friend for “stealing” our idea, and a little hurt that I won’t get to spend Fiances birthday with him. THAT is when I find out that the bachelor party is occuring the SAME day that him and I had tentative plans to have a “real” date. We don’t get to do that very often, seeing as how I am a starving student trying to raise two children.
I, as any woman would, overreacted. I got very angry that E is monopolizing any time that I may have with him during this two week stretch. I voiced as such. I reminded him off ALL The plans that we had made, and I got angry that he never told me about this date, considering he had known about it for a couple weeks.
He got defensive and walked away. I am not a big fan of the “walking away” maneuver. Logically, I know the benefits of it. But I still feel like its childish and petty.
So he went to the bedroom and I wandered the house for a few minutes. I like to talk when I am emotional. I like to talk to HIM. He is my best friend, so I was a little lost for a while. I also don’t like to rant to just anyone. If you chose the wrong person to open up to, it becomes a pissing war. My boyfriend pisses me off even more, this is what HE did. Something I would much rather avoid.
So I manage to calm down, and think through the process of events with the help of a friend. He did make me realize that when I want to go out, Fiance never puts up a fight. He lets me go where I want, and when I want. So long as he isn’t trapped in the house when its time to leave for work. He also doesn’t go out all that often. And even though I despise the fact that E has to pretty much “beat” us to the altar, I should maybe try to be understanding. Essentially the conclusion was “I ain’t winning this one”
So off to the bedroom I trudge, with my head hung in shame. I crawl into bed and weasel my way into his arms. Before I can apologize for overreacting, he kisses my forehead and whispers “I’m sorry I screwed up” I told him I was sorry for overreacting and we laid in bed briefly just enjoying being in each others arms.
Our first fight, and it ended on a happy note. Regardless though, I don’t want to go through that again.