When will it end…

A few days ago, my fiance and I had our first fight. Here, I describe how it started and what it regarded.

As a reminder, my Fiance’s best friend had decided that our “date” night was the perfect night for him to have a bachelor party (even though he decided to elope; the day AFTER I told him our plans to) Last night was the night.

Fiance told me that he would be home “not late” and “no later than 1” and “probably 12”

Well 3:15 rolls around and I still have not seen him. By this time I am sick to my stomach with worry, dread, and anger. I have tried calling and texting, and I got nothing. Which made me angrier.

When he finally rolls around, I want to tell him how I feel, but I also don’t want to pick a fight with him after, what I am hoping, was a good night out.

He knows that I am mad and he asks what is wrong. I glared. He rephrase it with, what specifically is causing the most anger. We end up talking until we   he passes out cold. In my mind nothing is resolved. The thoughts that plagued me last night was he was dead; and if he wasn’t dead he was purposefully ignoring my text messages. Something that I didn’t want to believe. The next morning (and I do have to give him props for this) we wake up after three-hour of sleep and he considered walking the children to school, since he did take it as his responsibility to do so. Later that morning, he asks me if I am still mad and I say yes and he says okay and cuddles into me.

Really, what I meant was, no. I am not mad. I am still battling the feelings of insecurity from last night. And while the thoughts that plague you in the middle of the night are always blown out of proportion, the feelings are still valid. He took off, after I had a horrible day to go out and enjoy a night out. Right on the cusp of leaving the night before to go bowling. The bowling was the day he arrived back from his weekend away. I have tried to be supportive of him. I know that it is hard to step into Step-daddy mode. I get that. But I am high-maintenance. I need to feel worthy and accepted.

So when I say, I am still mad, I MEAN I am hurt and I want you to show me that you still love me in all my crazy neurosis. When I want an apology, or expect an explanation of why my texts were ignored (his crazy ass phone is possessed and turned off in the middle of the night)  I am not REALLY wanting an apology or an explanation. I want you to SHOW me that you are sorry. I want to FEEL like you are upset that I am hurt. Not that you are upset that you are in trouble.

Women are emotional. Men are logical. Emotion and logic do not mix. I try to change my way of thinking to be more logical so that I can understand Fiance just a little bit more. Is it too much to ask that he does the same thing for me?!


One thought on “When will it end…

  1. Pingback: Day 1/Thing 355: You have a Time Machine… | 642 Things to Write About

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