Lets face it. I am married. In the eyes of the government I am married. In the eyes of God, I am married, (or living in sin, depending on which God you want to believe in). And in the eyes of my husband and I, we are married.
It would be one thing, if we weren’t living together; if we hadn’t forged our lives together; if there were no children involved.
But there is. And I am not going to give up on this relationship, if only for the sake of the fact that I can’t put my children through a breakup again. HE won’t give up for that very same reason. We also know that no matter how many other people that we date, no matter how long we look for, neither one of us will find another person who knows the other as deeply as we know each other. We are best friends, we are soulmates and we cannot live without each other.
So, that is why we have said fuck the wedding. And here are our reasons.
I have started a new program at the University and will not graduate for at least 3 years, maybe even 3.5. We will not be able to effectively save for the type of wedding we want on his salary alone. We also will not be “going to the courthouse” or “eloping” or anything else just to make this “legal”
If we are going to be putting money into getting married, then we will wait until we can do it right. I do not want to spend a small chunk of change NOW, just to make it legal until we CAN afford a larger party.
We do not need a piece of paper to tell us that we are in love and that we are committed to the relationship. We know that, in our hearts and souls. There is no rush in my mind to run off and get married just to prove to other people, and the church, that this is the case.
If this post sounds angry, I do apologize. As a member of a Christian church I have already been harrassed by a number of people to “just go get married and have a big party later.” I cannot help but feel a lack of support in my decision. (And yes, the fact that I am still “legally” married to my children’s father does not escape me.)
So thats that. I have resorted to my teenage view of marriage and weddings. I do not need the wedding to prove that I have a marriage. I had the wedding when I married my ex, and our “marriage” was in shambles before it even began. I would rather take that money and be able to start my life with my husband as opposed to a wedding that is not monetarily feasible at this time in our lives. Who knows? Maybe in 5 or ten years we will be singing a different song. When I have graduated, and have a job, and can handle the stress of a wedding.