I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Why is MY marriage so successful, and I see everyone else around me struggling to stay afloat?
Now, don’t get me wrong… I have only been with my husband for just over a year. There is still PLENTY of time for things to go wrong *knock on wood*.
I also have one unsuccessful marriage under my belt, so I am no expert on this by any means.
But I have sat back and tried to analyze what it is that me and my husband do that helps aid in our marriage. When people talk to me about what is going on in their relationships and what I think I should do, I relate it back to how I would react if something like that happened in my marriage.
Besides the ever-important communication, of which my husband and I are quite proficient, there is one thing that I think is crucial for our marriage.
That is we live a marriage of servitude.
Now, that does not mean that we treat each other as SERVANTS. It just means that when it comes to our marriage we are concerned less about what we can get from each other and more about what we can do for the other.
I brought two children from my previous marriage and I have noticed that while my husband does not always WANT to step into that father role, he will do so without complaint, especially if it will help me in my goal of obtaining a degree. By doing so, I always feel like I am indebted to him, and so I will go out of my way to ensure that he gets his much coveted time alone, or surprise him with small gifts such as books.This will in turn make my husband feel indebted to me, so when I need to stay late at class to study, he has no qualms with watching the children for me.
Our marriage then becomes centered around showing each other our gratitude. We do this with more than just words, but by actions. Everyone knows the old adage that actions speak louder than words so that when I feel indebted, instead of just saying a thank you, I want to show him just how much I am grateful for having him in my life. This attitude is then gives birth to a reciprocal action of giving to each other.
The communication that I mentioned earlier definitely aides in this attitude for when one of us inevitably ticks the other off we have the capability of voicing the frustration, anger, or annoyance. Since we have spent so much time ensuring that our “emotional bank account” is full, we are able to accept these grievances without getting defensive, and take the necessary actions to alleviate these grievances.
It is the servitude, the gratitude and the communication that makes me feel like my husband and I will be able to overcome any obstacle that happens to come our way.