Relax and Have a Cup of Tea

I am a Type A personality and it takes a lot of effort, and reminding, for me to “live in the moment.” I am constantly living in the future. I try not to worry, because I believe things will work out. But, at the same time, things always work out because I am aware of what I need to do to make my future run smoothly.

Even now, as I am wrapping up my psychology degree, all I can think about is finding a job. What type of job will work for me? Where will I be happy, but still be able to make enough money for our family to live comfortably? Am I willing to give up my volunteer time at my children’s school? What are my priorities, and how can I find a job that will help me pursue my passions?

These are some of the thoughts that plagued me as I was driving this morning. I was also plagued with thoughts such as, What if my husband falls asleep before I get home? Will my kids destroy my house? Will they watch television, knowing they are grounded? Should I leave school early? I wish I didn’t have to go to school. I should be at home fine tuning my resume.

Then it hit me. I was on my way to class. My LAST class. Not just of this course. Of my entire degree. After this, the only thing I have to worry about is passing my final exam. I never have to go to school again. I never have to sit through a boring presentation. I never have to stay awake at night trying to cram for a final exam. No more study groups, no more school supplies, no more stressing about grades or GPA. I will be done. My ten year old dream of obtaining a B.Sc. in Psychology will be complete. I will have letters behind my name! (Now I just have to figure out what my name will be 😛 )

That thought causes me anxiety. I am going back to planning out my near future.

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Let me Out!

I am registered in my very last class of my Psych degree. It is a summer class, which is hard in and of itself because I would much rather be outside.
Its also hard because its only twice a week; leaving 3 days a week to do nothing at all. That’s not true. That leaves 3 days a week to do my homework. But I find that if I have that much time to kill, I procrastinate even more.  When I have five classes squished into my schedule, plus all of the appointments, I am able to manage my time even more.

I have only one week left of classes.  I was walking to class this morning and I thought to myself I am so done.

In two weeks I will be eligible to apply for my Psych degree, but I just want to be done with it. I do not want to go to the remaining classes. I do not want to do my homework. I don’t want to study for my final exam. I have gone to school for two years – straight through. I have not taken any time off in the summer like most students do. Nope, that’s not like me. I feel I am getting burnt out.

I don’t know if this feeling is coming because I am so close to being done, or if it is because I really am burnt out. Either way, I wish it would go away so that I can finish my two assignments and get my final exam out of the way.

Can We All Just Take a Moment…

… as I am hit a train of revelation.

It was about ten years ago as I was graduating from high school that I decided I was going to University to get my degree in Psychology. Granted, I had grandiose goals of going on to get my Ph.D. in Pysch as well (a dream I have since laid to rest only because I realized that I only wanted it for the bragging rights; a Ph.D. wouldn’t have helped me obtain my TRUE goal)

Ten years, 2 kids, 1 dropout, 2 diplomas, and 2 marriages later I am witness to the birth of a dream.

Y’see, I decided that University was just too scary for me at 17 years of age. So I decided to take the safe route and get some courses at the college first by obtaining my General Studies diploma. Then, using some transfer credits I would apply to the U when I was 18.  (This also allowed me to go back to High school to complete my Math 30. I chose to graduate without it just so that I could graduate in my Grade 11 year instead of my Grade 12 year) I managed to fit a 2 year  G.S. diploma into 1.5 years.

But, instead of actually following through with my plan, I decided to stay at the college because it was safer. I went into Child and Youth Care. Alas, that didn’t work out as I got married, had a kid, and dropped out to be a stay at home mom. Truth be told, I dropped out because I was only weeks away from my practicum and that also scared me.

Flashfoward 2 years, I am pregnant with my second child and realized that I am no longer in love with my husband. With only a high school diploma and a G.S. Diploma (what I can do with THAT?) what was a girl to do? I decided to go back to school so that I could find a job that would support me and my children as I prepared to leave my husband.

And I did. Support my children. We had some rough times. We had some good times. I obtained my Office Admin diploma and ended up working in a Jr. High school for a time, and then moved on to become a Legal Assistant. I had grown up. I was finally an adult.

But still. Something was missing. I wasn’t reaching my full potential. I wasn’t helping people. I wasn’t inspiring people. So back to school I went.

In the two years that I have been a student, I have gone from being a Psych Major, to a Psych/Religious Studies major, to transferring into Addictions Counselling, and then back into Psychology. Partway through I decided I wanted to be a Social Worker (I didn’t get in) and I lost sight of the fact that I was still on a path that I had laid 10 years prior. \

Now, the gestation period is over. The labour pains have begun. I am merely 16 days away from completely my LAST. CLASS. EVER! In my Psychology degree.

…now I just have to get off the internet and back to doing my term paper, or I’ll NEVER pass.